Maybe This Once
by queen-sheep
Summary: They meet and separate, again and again, through the years. Draco/Astoria -ONESHOT


_Written for the Quidditch League Competition. Prompts used are: _

_Weakness, "But would you have it any other way?", "Fear is only a verb if you let it be" , How to win, Who we were, and _

_"Can I be? Was I there?_

_It felt so crystal in the air._

_I still want to drown whenever you leave;_  
_Please teach me gently how to breathe."_

* * *

_June 1991_

Draco sighed inwardly.

He really didn't want to be a stuffy room, dressed elegantly in a stifling suit, and talk pleasantly to others. But that was what was expected of him as the Malfoy heir, and he knew that one slip up would ruin his reputation. He was determined to do everything right. It was his first time attending such an upscale party, and his father had properly grilled him on what to do and what not to do, along with a vague hint of repercussions if his expectations were not met. Draco repressed the shiver that wanted to wrack his body. Instead, he focused back on the conversation with the Zabini heir, and tried to seem like he was interested.

The boy had dark hair and skin, and was a very smooth talker. He would be a good ally, Draco decided. After a couple minutes of careful conversation with him, he had a new associate, and he wandered off again. As he approached the banquet table, he heard footsteps behind him. Turning around, he noticed two girls approaching him.

"Hello," the older girl smiled politely at him. "My name is Daphne Greengrass. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She glanced towards the other younger girl, waiting for her introduction as well. However, she simply watched them with wide, childlike eyes. They stared abashedly into his own grey ones, not a single expression on her face. It was rather unnerving, to say the least. When it became increasingly clear that she wasn't going to say anything, Daphne hurriedly tried to correct her mistake.

"And this is my younger sister Astoria," she finished, looking slightly embarrassed.

Draco inclined his head slightly. "My pleasure," he said.

They left shortly after exchanging a couple more words. He had only taken a first step before he was once again accosted by someone else.

He held back another sigh.

* * *

_September 1994_

Draco rolled his shoulder tiredly, ready to head to bed after the Welcoming Feast. He trudged with the rest of the Slytherins to their dungeon dorms. Silently, he began fantasizing about the warm, comfy bed that would be waiting for him in the warm dorm room. He only vaguely noticed when the password was spoken, and automatically headed towards the stairs that lead to his room.

He was jolted awake when he felt something, or someone, block his way. He pressed his lips together in irritation, not wanting to deal with anyone at the moment. It was unavoidable though. Taking a minute to compose himself, he glanced down at the rather small obstacle in his way. It was a girl, probably a first year judging by the size.

"Hello. Kindly get out of my way," he said shortly. The girl simply stared at him with blank eyes and didn't move. That in itself was odd. Normally most Slytherins knew the positions of power in the House, and would easily listen to the older members.

Without even a semblance of a greeting, she said, "We've met."

He stared down at her, wondering what she was getting at. Draco moved to side-step her, not wanting to deal with the situation at such a late hour. She moved with him. He felt his irritation growing, and absently brushed a hand through his perfectly groomed hair. Suddenly, the memory of soulless black eyes staring at him clicked.

"Oh, yes. Astoria Greengrass was it?"

She nodded, and after another moment of watching him, she moved to the side. He brushed past her, intent on his destination.

What an odd girl.

* * *

_February 1994_

Draco walked leisurely through the trees, on his way to the Great Lake. It was nice, every once in a while, to simply be alone with his thoughts and relax. There were no pretences, no masks, when he was by himself after all. He had ordered Crabbe and Goyle to stay in Hogwarts.

As he neared the Lake, he suddenly realized that he wasn't as alone as he thought he was. There, crouching right by the shore line was Astoria Greengrass. She appeared to be looking at a flower (or maybe a weed). He slowed his footsteps, wondering if he should just turn around and walk back.

Following her initial introduction (if you could call it that) to him, the girl had pretty much ceased to talk. She didn't make friends with anyone. If spoken to, she didn't respond back. The girl was a loner even in the Slytherin House. She had no friends; her constant cold expression and silence had isolated her amongst the House and the school.

Just as Draco decided to turn around and head back, his breath caught in his throat.

Because he had gotten close enough to the girl to see the expression on her face. And it was absolutely stunning.

She, for once, had a gentle smile on her face. And it was in that moment that he realized the whole time that her attitude was just an act. And he had been so _stupid _to not be able to see through it. It was also in that moment that he realized, inexplicably, that he wanted to get to know her better. He wanted to know why she shut everyone out, why she had spoken to him that first day of school. His revelations tumbled chaotically through his mind, and he quietly backed away, back to the school, back to safety.

Unfortunately, the rustle of the grass against his shoe caused her to whip around suddenly and stare at him. She froze at the sight of him. He did likewise. For half a second, the two simply stared at each other in shock. Her face was the most vulnerable he'd seen before. She seemed like a wild animal, liable to flee or attack at any given moment.

Draco exhaled slowly, coming to a decision. He deliberately and steadily approached her, stopping when he was right beside her. He cautiously lowered himself into a crouch, glancing at the flower she had been looking at before. It was a daisy.

"That's a pretty flower," he commented quietly.

She was staring determinedly at the ground. He didn't press her.

He came again the next week. She was once again staring down at the flower. However, this time her mask was firmly back in place, and she ignored his presence. His mouth twitched vaguely downwards in a frown, but he smoothed it out. Patience was key, he knew.

So Draco simply took a spot next to her. Thoughtfully, he stared at the lake. He knew he was determined to break down her walls, to get her to talk to him.

He wondered, when had she managed to break down his walls?

Did she even know? He quietly speculated to himself.

* * *

He came back the next week as well.

And the week after that.

And the following weeks as well.

* * *

"I like them."

The statement came suddenly, startling him out of his reverie. Draco glanced at her out of his peripheral vision, waiting for her to continue. It was the first time she was speaking to him in all the times he intruded on her time by the lake. Every week she just stared at the flowers (which were growing nicely), and he just sat nearby watching the lake, or the clouds, or the sky, or her, sometimes.

"Flowers. I like flowers," she continued. If she noticed his gaze burning into her back, she didn't mention it. "They're my… weakness."

"Why?" The word came out unbidden from his mouth.

She didn't say anything. The lengthy pause stretched before them, and just when Draco decided that she wasn't going to continue anymore, she spoke again.

"Because, I want to be a flower."

He stared at her. Had she gone mad? Noticing his scrutinizing expression, she rolled her eyes. He fought to keep a satisfied smirk off his face upon seeing that. Slowly, she had been showing him more emotions, and that made him extremely pleased. He didn't know what had happened to him. Every time he saw her, his chest constricted in his throat and his stomach twisted all over the place. It was like he couldn't breathe, like he was drowning, and he didn't enjoy the feeling.

"I want to be a flower because they're free. They can relax in the wind, and enjoy freedom without being restricted. There's no way to win like that in real life."

"Unless they get trampled and die horribly."

She frowned at him, and ignored him for the rest of the afternoon. Draco almost didn't mind, because when he sat quietly with her like they were now, his chest eased up and he liked that feeling better.

* * *

_June 1996_

He was dating Pansy now.

He didn't like her. She was far too clingy, and too fake, and simpering… so unlike _her_. Although she wore a mask, like him, and once you got past it, she was brutally honest. And Draco liked that, in his world of lies and deceit and subtle words and barely discernible meanings.

He was doing it to appease his father, who had mentioned to him recently in a letter that the Malfoys should always have an heir. He had understood his meaning: Get a girlfriend, and get one soon.

If he had known that Pansy's clinginess could get worse, he wouldn't have picked her. She insisted on spending every waking moment together, from breakfast to classes to dinner. Even the weekends, in which he had always joined Astoria, was spent being dragged around everywhere with her. It had been weeks since he'd seen more than a glimpse of her in the hallways.

Finally, _finally_, he was free one day. Pansy was otherwise occupied with Daphne and Millicent, and he rapidly walked out of the door to their common room, desperately hoping she didn't change her mind before he was gone.

He arrived at their spot (when had it become his safe haven?) and spotted her immediately. Almost at the same time, she looked up from the ground. He vaguely noticed the flowers had spread, so much more plentiful that the first time he had seen them. She stood. He stilled.

Draco's world was suddenly painfully clear in her presence, the air around him suddenly crisp and sharp, and he could feel the even slightest breeze of air brush past him. With a sinking feeling, he realized that her face was closed off to him again, and he thought how something he took so long to build was broken down so quickly. As she turned her face away from him, his world sharpened into her and her alone, and he did something he'd never done before.

He acted on impulse alone.

Quickly crossing the few steps to her, he brought his face to hers. It was a clumsy kiss; he nearly missed her mouth, and they were both fumbling, but this was so _so _much better than anything Pansy had and he never wanted it to end. The two broke apart, after what seemed like an eternity. She stared at him, so shocked that her face was displaying her every emotion.

"I— you, Pansy…"

"I was going to break up with her anyways," Draco said, struggling to look under control and sound nonchalant. He hesitated. "Astoria… would you like to go out with me?"

She looked at him. "This is going to be hard," she said.

"But would you have it any other way?"

Astoria's mouth twitched slightly upwards. "No," she stated.

Draco let his own mouth turn up slightly as well. "Good. And Astoria?"

She glanced over at him.

"This is how you win in life."

"By putting up with you?"

"That's real funny. Hilarious," he drawled, affronted.

But she was trying not to laugh, and he thought he didn't mind as much.

* * *

_May 1997_

"I don't think this should go on," he said, blank faced.

She stopped. Stared.

"What?"

"I don't want to be with you anymore."

"But, I don't—"

"Goodbye."

Draco walked away, trying to ignore the dead weight in his chest, the way his world felt like it was collapsing on him. He needed to keep her separate from the world he had (stupidly) got himself caught in, and if this was the way to do it, then he would do it.

* * *

_September 1999_

"Hello Draco."

"…Astoria."

He watched her and she watched him. The last time they met was back in Hogwarts that day, when he called it off with him. She had gotten better at using her mask, but not well enough that he couldn't still see traces of hurt hidden behind those black eyes. She'd gotten even more beautiful as well. His heart twisted and felt heavy again, something he thought he numbed himself to back in _those _days. Apparently not.

She stood up, to leave or slap him, he didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted to go back, back to those carefree days where they would quietly sit by the lake, or exchange barbs. He wanted to see that tiny, rare smile that never failed to send his stomach into a frenzy.

Astoria walked closer to him, and he thought she was going for the slapping route when she reached for his face. Instead, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, and backs up a little. He stared at her, trying to hide his confusion.

"Don't think I don't know why you did that," she said. They both knew what she was talking about.

"But I'm not the same as I used to be. _We're _not the same as we used to be. Who we were before, and who we were now are different, and don't think that I'll be letting you run off like a complete idiot and think it's okay to leave me behind."

It's the longest she'd spoken, ever, and he thought she must be pretty mad if she would do that. But despite the hope that lifted into him at her words, the hope that maybe everything would turn out alright after all, there was still the crippling fear. The fear of, again, drawing her into his dark world.

The world wasn't nice to Purebloods anymore.

She sighed, cupping his face and drawing it down toward her. (She was rather small.)

"Fear is only a verb if you let it be," she said firmly. Draco wondered when she managed to figure him out so completely. "Don't treat me like a princess."

And he laughed and laughed, at the craziness of his world, where purebloods weren't the best, and girls didn't want to be treated differently.

But he liked this better than his old world, and his heart felt light. (_Happiness_, that was the feeling)

He could get used to this, he thought.


End file.
